It was funny, the moment I realized that I had given birth to my spouse's best friend. I mean, we all need one so why not? But sometimes when Carl and Camille are off in "imaginative play" land, I can't help but feel like I am failing somehow. They are like peanut butter and jelly. Carl has endless hours of dolly diapering and lego building up her sleeves where I would rather work on a puzzle, go hiking or teach her to cook and sew. They crack each other up all the time and Camille is the apple of Carl's eye. It is cute and I wouldn't have it any other way but between loads of laundry I do get a pit in my stomach at the thought of losing my connection with my only child.
When we decided to take Camille out of preschool and teach her at home I thought "now this is my moment to shine!". I was always an enthusiastic student. My mom bought me a learning program when I was three and it was my favorite toy. I loved the grease pencils and the cellophane overlay, the dotted letters and numbers to trace and then the blank lines that followed them to show off my newly acquired talents. Surely, this was a place that I could wedge myself in and show Camille that I have more to offer than beverages and snacks at the appropriate time and a clean house in which to creatively display her various projects.
The first few days were a little challenging but still fun. Realizing that the lessons are planned in five to ten minute intervals to keep the little wanderer's attention was interesting. I loved seeing how much she already knew and watching her face light up when she discovered something new. In my reverie, I envisioned an idyllic experience from which I could draw on for many a inspired blog post. I would become that Waldorfian educator. Ushering Camille into a new way of being: creative, calm and extremely intelligent. My utopia was destroyed the first day Carl was home while school was in session. She offered to teach so I could work on some sewing. I took her up on it because I figured I really need to get this clothing business off the ground even if it only happens in three hour snatches.
As with everything Carl puts her mind to, she was a huge success. From my work table, I heard them laughing together and Camille responding to the lessons without a lot of cajoling. It is her way. That is the only way to describe it. Carl has a way. She is quiet and attentive. She has no agenda. She is non-confrontational and easy. Let's face it, that is what an energetic kid is going to respond to. At that moment I realized that we all have our role to play. Mine is to keep things on a schedule and organized which is valuable too. I am still going to be the main teacher at Lucile Preschool but at this school, the substitute teacher is more fun. I'm okay with that as long as she knows that I love her with all of my heart and soul even if I am a little boring!
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