The Beginning

I don't know why I feel compelled to start a blog. I just woke up yesterday morning and decided to put it on my to-do list. I wanted a place to vent and gossip other than my co-worker/ dearest friend's ear.

I became a mom four months and three days ago although the process of becoming a mom really began much earlier than that...maybe even as early as three years old. As long as I can remember, I wanted to have my own babies. I had plently of baby dolls growing up and started baby sitting at the tender age of nine. Yes, nine! When I see nine year old children these days I think there is no way I would leave my baby with them even while I went to the loo let alone to the movies.

So when week forty of my pregnancy rolled around, I thought it would only be a few more hours...maybe days until my life long dream came true and I was finally a mom! The earth mother I was meant to be! But when the doctor placed that beautiful little nugget of perfection in my arms after 19 hours of labor, I felt like she belonged to someone else. Like this was a dress I was trying on for size and it was a bit too snug all over. I even mentioned to my wife that it was only a matter of time before the hospital found out that we were impostors and took this baby girl away. I know I am not the only mother that has felt like a poseur holding her newborn baby but it still seems strange that after all of my training, that it would all seem so foreign to me.

Now after four months in the trenches she is beginning to feel like the appendage I have been missing all of my life. My heart really does skip a beat when she gives me one of her crinkle-eyed grins with foamy drool crawling down her chin. I find myself bragging to anyone who dares to ask "what's new with the baby". What's new? Do you have an hour to comb through the minutia of developmental mountains my amazing child has been climbing? I know it is boring but I can't stop myself. I figure I have been waiting 37 years for this experience so I can nerd out on being a mom...finally!