Is That Your Son?

Fashion forward is not what someone says when they meet me. I grew up wearing jeans and t-shirts and that is my go-to choice when I'm just kicking around. I admire those girls who always wear the latest even if they are just doing the laundry. For me, I reserve the cute clothes for parties and going out to dinner with my spouse.

The problem with this sort of chronic casualness is that I often look like a suburban soccer mom. Granted, I have tattoos but those indelible reds, yellows and blues are the only thing that separate me from the mom flying out of her mini van with a half a dozen polyester clad adolescents in cleats. Since I began working from home, the situation has gotten worse and I am always making the joke that folks are going to wonder what my "hipster" wife is doing with the soccer mom.

I hadn't gotten a haircut since before I got pregnant so I thought this could be an opportunity to spruce up my look and make my life a little easier at the same time. My hair texture sucks and maintaining my long layered cut was a major time absorber. I found a cute bob cut that I thought would be an update and also cut down on the time spent in the bathroom yanking the kinks out of my hair. Unfortunately, I made a poor choice in style and stylist and wound up looking more like a soccer mom than before!

I wanted to cry when I got home from the salon and realized that my new 'do' coupled with my drab wardrobe earned me a seat at the nearest Olive Garden without as much as a raised eyebrow from the other patrons. My wife assured me that I looked cute and the cut was edgy. Edgy??? Edgy for the 1920's perhaps but in our circle of friends, I was gonna stand out as the chaperon on a field trip. Five years ago I would have just gotten out the clippers and shaved it all off but I have finally learned that a shaved head only feels good for an hour or two and then you stick out like an insane pop star...thanks Britney for ruining my gig! I decided the only thing I could do was grow it out and hope that somewhere along the way I could work a little messy Angie Dickenson.

Still not feeling confident about the look but forced to go run errands, I set out with wife and baby in tow. We went to the new sandwich place in town without incident. No one threw slices of Boarshead smoked turkey or provolone at me so I considered the visit a success. I thought a heard a snicker or two on my way past the table of wanna-be rock stars seated outside but I quickly told myself "paranoia will destroy ya" and shuffled on by.

A trip to IKEA was vetoed by my better and more sane half so groceries were next. In and out like a well oiled machine. Quick, pleasant and doting conversation with the checker and bagger about the baby and we were on our way to the car. We were just finishing loading the bags into the back of the car when an older woman approached us. My wife took the carseat to the car and the woman asked if she could have our cart. I quickly obliged and then she asked me if I could spare anything. I told her I didn't have any change, which was the truth. She looked at my daughter and said God bless. Then she asked if that was my son helping me out with the baby. I stood there for a moment to process the fact that this woman had just called me out on my soccer mom appearance. My son?!?!? It's true, I do look like a soccer mom. I will stay away from the clippers for now but I am on my way to Urban Outfitters for some "hipster" costumes. Wish me luck.

Google It Sweetie

I'm not a go-to-the-doctor kind of gal, so when we began this baby making journey I took an OB-GYN referral from the sperm bank. Thank you very much, she turned out to be an awesome doctor and I hope to be seeing her for the rest of my days. Let's face it, she's seen all there is to see under this hood and I'm fine with not going through those jitters with someone new.

Before they let us go on the tour at the hospital we had to have our pediatrician picked out. Again, I took a referral from our OB. I didn't go on a million interviews and ask a million questions. I didn't have the time and I just figured that my luck had been good the first time why would it not hold out on this one? I can't stand the thought of being that over-read mother that thinks everyone is out to get her.

We finally got to meet our doctor on the 2nd day home from the hospital. We drove up to the doctor's mid-century style office building and walked inside. Immediately I was transported back in time. Memories of flipping through Highlights magazines while waiting to see our old country doctor flooded my mind. I mean, this place is a blast from the past, complete with teak partitions with stained glass inserts in the waiting room and peeling yellow vinyl stools in the exam rooms.

I tried to keep an open mind when the assistant asked me to put our daughter on the ancient enameled scale. I'm all for recycling and I love going to the flea market to find an old treasure cherished by someone long before I was born. The doctor came in to the room in a whirl and we were off. She gave us the basic info we needed, checked out our daughter and sent our tired asses on our way. Good enough for me.

I knew she was not the most progressive doctor but maybe that didn't matter. I just wanted to make sure we could break up the vaccine schedule and she agreed. When I asked her questions she looked at me weird but I just assumed that she thought I was a nervous-nelly new mom with a list of silly questions. Things seemed to be going along swimmingly until the last visit when I asked her about drinking a green drink that contained astragalus. The container said to consult your physician if you are pregnant or nursing so I thought I better consult her before just going ahead.

"Astragalus? What's that?"

"It's a Chinese herb...root actually"

"What is it for? Is this an energy drink?"

"No it is a green drink. You know, with dried grasses and vegetables. Astragalus is an immunity booster."

"I don't know, you should Google it sweetie. Find out if there are any side effects"

Call me crazy but in this day and age, I don't know many folks who DON'T "Google it sweetie" before they start asking questions. I consulted my doctor like I was instructed to do and she told me to "Google it sweetie". Just when my faith in western medicine was improving...

The Beginning

I don't know why I feel compelled to start a blog. I just woke up yesterday morning and decided to put it on my to-do list. I wanted a place to vent and gossip other than my co-worker/ dearest friend's ear.

I became a mom four months and three days ago although the process of becoming a mom really began much earlier than that...maybe even as early as three years old. As long as I can remember, I wanted to have my own babies. I had plently of baby dolls growing up and started baby sitting at the tender age of nine. Yes, nine! When I see nine year old children these days I think there is no way I would leave my baby with them even while I went to the loo let alone to the movies.

So when week forty of my pregnancy rolled around, I thought it would only be a few more hours...maybe days until my life long dream came true and I was finally a mom! The earth mother I was meant to be! But when the doctor placed that beautiful little nugget of perfection in my arms after 19 hours of labor, I felt like she belonged to someone else. Like this was a dress I was trying on for size and it was a bit too snug all over. I even mentioned to my wife that it was only a matter of time before the hospital found out that we were impostors and took this baby girl away. I know I am not the only mother that has felt like a poseur holding her newborn baby but it still seems strange that after all of my training, that it would all seem so foreign to me.

Now after four months in the trenches she is beginning to feel like the appendage I have been missing all of my life. My heart really does skip a beat when she gives me one of her crinkle-eyed grins with foamy drool crawling down her chin. I find myself bragging to anyone who dares to ask "what's new with the baby". What's new? Do you have an hour to comb through the minutia of developmental mountains my amazing child has been climbing? I know it is boring but I can't stop myself. I figure I have been waiting 37 years for this experience so I can nerd out on being a mom...finally!